Mark Schultz


  • One-Act
  • Comedy

Joe loves Depression-era Busby Berkeley extravaganzas. Joe loves Judy Garland or Doris Day. Joe loves his dream home in a renovated toolshed in the basement of his parents' house. Joe doesn't love how lonely he is. Particularly not after the funeral he attended earlier. He's brought a guy home for a one-night stand. And he doesn't want to mess it up.

Play Sample Text

(JOE turns on the TV.
Changes channels.
Arrives at Gold Diggers of 1933.)

Oh my God. I love this movie. Oh my God. Isn’t this great? Isn’t this movie great? “Pettin’ in the Park”? You know that song? Pettin’ in the park, bad boy / Pettin’ in the dark, bad girl. Oh my God. Ruby Keeler. She’s amazing. You remember? In 42nd Street? How her whole performance like. Totally depended on that line? On that one line? “Oh Jim. It was grand of you to come.” And it always sounded so bad? She could never get it right. Ha. It’s great. It’s so great.

(Watches the movie.)

That is like. That is. Life. As candy. Or something. Right? That’s the fucking. Depression. And look how they live. Look how great everything is. I wanna fucking live like that. Smile like that. Say to fucking. Everyone. It was grand of you to come. Ha. I wanna fucking be Ruby Keeler. Is that weird? I mean look how cute Dick Haymes is. She is totally unworthy of him. But she has him.

(Silence. Stares.
Watches the movie for a while.)